The best Burrito I ever had...UPDATE

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you of Marlito's Burritos' demise. I drove up the other day to see a Coldwell Banker sign. R.I.P.

They made everything by hand, all from scratch and from the freshest of ingredients.

Man, they were some damn good burritos.

Keep reading for any other news regarding this fine establishment.

A chicken is not a nugget

Dear Peta 2 Dot Com,

You are right, a chicken is not a nugget. Well, let me re-phrase that, a chicken is not just a nugget. Chickens also make great cutlets, strips, soups, salads and such. Roast chicken is delicious. If you ever find yourself in a backwoods market, be sure to look for some chicken gizzards. They are a delectable, if slightly greasy treat from the back roads of America. Oh, and chicken with broccoli? Delicious! So, yes, Peta 2, chicken is not a nugget, it is so much more!

Regards,

Ian

Transformers-A Cleverschmever Review (of sorts)

Last night, I walked into the movie theater wanting to write a review immediately after seeing Transformers. However, as the film progressed, I had an increasingly difficult time keeping a critical eye, as it had (what I call) the Superman Returns Effect*. As soon as I saw a helicopter turn into a robot, and then lay waste to a military base, my adult form was lost to my inner 6 year-old.

With that in mind, I will attempt a brief, relatively spoiler-free review.

As a whole, Transformers was a good film. It gave us a lot of robots transforming and then pummeling each other. That, after all, is all one should expect from a Transformers movie. As a bonus, we also got to see some great character stuff!

Optimus Prime, Megatron, Ironhide, Jazz and Starscream are exactly like their original (or G1, as the "hardcore" call it) counterparts. Optimus is the compassionate leader, ready to sacrifice himself for others. Megatron is the single-minded beast of a villain, whom all the Decepticons rally behind. Ironhide is the old badass, and Optimus' oldest friend. While not voiced by Scatman Crothers, Jazz retains that youthful, accepting and "hip" vibe he had, as well as his loyalty to his fellow Autobots (he even breakdances!). And Starscream? Oh, he's a bastard as always! Some oif the character is development is very subtle (especially Starscream's), but if you really watch the flick, you're in for a treat!

Oh, and Sam Witwicky? Much to my surprise, I loved Shia LeBeof's performance! Nearly all his interactions (human and transformer) are funny, especially when he corrects a Government Goon (John Turtorro) who calls Megatron some ridiculous initialism. "As they (the Autobots) call him, Megatron! He's the bad guy."

The plot is thin, it's just an excuse to see a giant robot brawl, and that's perfectly fine. In fact, I only have 2 issues with the movie. First, Bay will occasionally focus a bit too much on the humans. During the big Optimus and Megatron fight, he keeps cutting back to them. Why? All of us want to see Optimus vs. Megatron! Did you learn nothing from The Phantom Menace? Second, they treat one character's death with all the reverence of a fast food employee who gives you Hot Mustard instead of BBQ sauce. Then again, this is a Michael Bay film, so what do you expect?

So, dear reader, I can say this...Transformers is a fun romp through a world where giant robots can turn into cars and interstellar jets while destroying a city. You want to have fun for Two and a half hours? Have fun!

Oh, as a PS, the Cloverfield trailer (a new monster movie from JJ Abrams) is attached and it is the coolest trailer I've ever seen!

*The Superman Returns Effect tugs at a viewer's childhood attachment to the material on screen, making it difficult for the viewer (me) to maintain my usual ability to think while watching the film. Instead, the viewer gets wrapped up in a wave of pleasant nostalgia. It's named this because Superman Returns has a visually amped up version of the Richard Donner Superman intro.

As a bonus, here's a video of what I was afraid this movie could be...

Spider-Man 3-The Cleverschmever Review

Here be SPOILERS!!!

After watching Spider-Man 2, I realized that one could compare the first 2 films to the first 2 installments of the Superman franchise. Before going into Spider-Man 3, I hoped like hell that Sam Raimi and company wouldn't go the way of Superman III in this installment. I was partially disappointed.

In the first films, both heroes come to grips with the loss of a parental figure after they failed to save them, both heroes introduce themselves to the world and they both face off against their most iconic threats. In the second films, both heroes loose their powers in order to get in touch with humanity. However, a threat arises (a threat that was LAME in the comics but AMAZING in the movies) and the heroes regain their battles and win the day. Oh, and the love interests learn the heroes' secret identities. The third installments follow the same threads, at least partially.

Substitute Bootleg Kryptonite for an alien symbiote (and later, Eddie Brock), replace Richard Pryor with Harry Osborne, trade Lana Lang for Gwen Stacey, shake well, and you have Superman III The Redux…I mean Spider-Man 3. Maybe they should have called this movie "Bad" Spider-Man?

When the Alien Symbiote first appears (in a scene similar to the openings of Night of the Creeps and Slither), it takes its time before attaching itself to Peter, but when it does, Spidey gets aggressive, very aggressive. As the film goes on, Peter becomes darker and darker, culminating in a sequence where he becomes a jealous, spiteful horndog. The whole sequence is played for laughs, much like another 3^rd installment of a super hero franchise. After all that, Spidey frees himself only to later face Venom, his dark side made flesh…again, hmm…very familiar.

All that said, I did enjoy the bulk of Spidey 3 (though don't get me started on the Sandman, as the only way to explain his character inconsistencies is mental retardation). The effects were good, James Franco stole the show as Harry Osborne (I haven't seen such villainy in a café since the beginning of The Untouchables) and the fight sequences were pure cinematic candy! Overall, I enjoyed the film and recommend it, just remember, it's not Spider-Man 2.

Live Free Or Die Hard!

I took a break from movie blogging for a while, but the Summer Blockbusters are coming, so it's high time for me to take a quick break from my cartoon and wax cinematic. This film may be the most unbelievable film to ever grace cinema...I'm talking about Live Free Or Die Hard!

Admittedly, I've only seen the trailer, but it's one hell of an ostentatious trailer!

The trailer starts with a group of internet terrorists shutting down an entire city's power grid. Then, badass action hero John McClaine pops up and declares "I'll take it from here" and we're off! Machine guns fire, buildings explode, cars speed by and John McClaine drives a car right into a helicopter 'cause he's "out of bullets". Now, all of this sounds like you're standard Die Hard fare. Bruce Willis made a name for himself defying the death-dealing motives of terrorists and bank robbers for 3 movies back in the day. However, things take a quick turn towards the end of the trailer. The filmmakers up their game to a new level of ridiculousness!

John McClaine plays chicken with an F-16, then he fights it with his bare hands! It's as if the writers decided to toss the "willing suspension of disbelief" out the window! And you know what? I like it!

It's been too long since I've seen a regular guy perform such uncanny feats with a smile and the occasional groan! See, when Spider-Man jumps on a fighter jet, it's cool, but when John McClaine does it, it's jaw-dropping! This flick looks like pure adrenaline-laced fun!

I hope to see you in the theater June 27th and I hope you're as inebriated as I plan to be, 'cause this is going to be an explosive, old school action movie!

Let the summer begin...

Just In Time...

I have no Valentine's Day plans this year, aside from work and improv class. However, if I had a special someone, I don't think I'd take her here.

Imagine the romp a couple will have after White Castle!

"Oh, baby, I want you so bad...wait, I'll be right back."

Good thing the diaphragm went out of style. That will be one stinky bathroom.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Busy

I haven't written much here as I've been busy. Between work, freelance and life, I haven't had anything that I wanted to put into a blog. For that, all 3 readers o' mine, I apologize.

I'm working on a stage character, so I'll post about that when I have more info, photos and video and I've been working on 2 cool movie projects (again, more to come on that front).

Also, I'l be going to SXSW this year, so this blog will probably read like Pitchfork or Stereogum for at least a week!

Happy New Year!

Ian!!!